This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
