Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
