We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
