I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
