Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
