So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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