Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
