apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You smell like stripper and shame
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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