Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my being single is dangerous.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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