I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
