like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
