Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
