it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
