He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
