I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
