new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
