my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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