he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
