Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
