I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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