we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
