I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this boner is exhausting
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
