There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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