you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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