i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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