Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
