if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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