Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Drunk is not a location!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
