I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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