Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
