So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
