Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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