I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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