I think I am morally bankrupt
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
