I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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