pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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