if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
