woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
