You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
