your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
