Porn is love you can see.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
