Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
