So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
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Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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