SEEEEXXX PLEASE
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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