Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
