We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She told me I should be a condom model.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
