My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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