I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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