News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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