I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
