we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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