It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
