is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
