I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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