Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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