So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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