So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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