You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
