She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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