If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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