I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
