i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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