Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
