Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
