I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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