You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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