Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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