dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
