I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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