I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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