a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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