...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
