If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
