we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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