Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my being single is dangerous.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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