When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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